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need you father. show me ur will pls. show me ur will for my life and for this rltnshp. for i am scared. these few mths you have showed me that i must depend on u for everything. u are my provider my comforter. my miracle maker. and i thank you for that. i thank you that u have put him in my life and it has helped me draw closer to you. i thank you for michelle who will become my mentor. i thank u for her guidance. her love and the wisdom u put in her. i pray she will be my strength as well.
lord i thank you for this gift you have bestowed on me. i pray that u will show me ur will for it. i know you gave it to me to further ur good works but lord its hard to deal with. teach me to let go so that i may use this gift to its fullest. lord i pray that if what he has is not from u, u will take it out of him. i am scared.
bless him father. bless him abundantly. break him if u must. and i pray that il be strong enough to hold him up when u do.
i love you. thank you for the wonderful things you have brought into my life. thank you for all the blessings. thank you for being the thing i can hold on to when i have nth else. thank you for always being there. how great you are that u have never abandoned me. that even when i felt u were far, u wld call out my name and tell me to reach for u and you will come. lord you are amazing. thank you for never leaving me even when i left you. thank you for always wanting the best for me. thank you for loving me so much. you are wonderful lord.
everything i need is you.
i pray he will experience ur love again soon..
I managed to survive most of my JC and uni years avoiding politics, living in my own little bubble. In the past one year, that bubble was burst. I remember on my 2nd day of work, i got a full blast of it. As the months went by it just got worse. I see my friends and the amount of politics that goes on between their friends and their colleagues. Confidentiality broken, ratting on each other, stirring up trouble between parties, sabotage. It's horrible.
Honestly, i was never a bitch before 2009. Or at least never intentionally. I have never been the backstabbing, bitching type. I walked away or I kept my mouth shut if i couldnt stand up for them. I didnt even bad mouth people i didnt like and when i did say negative things, it was always to say how i felt and never to put someone else down. But i realise that to survive in this world, sometimes you do need to be one. You have to think negatively of others so that you are prepared for the shit they throw at you. So that you are not so affected. So that you can fight back.
I hate how people cannot stand to have someone else better than them. I dont mean you dont improve yourself. I admit i am very competitive and I have always wanted to excel in what i did but i never put down someone else and hindered their progress. I was always willing to share notes or find someway to help them climb too. I cannot understand why people just cant be nice and help each other. What do they have to lose if everyone helps each other improve? Why must people constantly feel threatened and then threaten the success of others by sabotage. Be in words or actions.. And it's painful to see my loved ones suffer at the hands and words of others. It makes me want to cry.
And even when people are nice, others dont trust them. Sadly, i get it. I really am this friendly, i really do feel happy when other people get good things. Yet people think I am fake. That i have an ulterior motive. And its sad to see how negative people are. That they have been so hurt by others that they can no longer trust.
I have been told before by a close friend that I am too naive. That in a fairy tale world where everything can work out, everyone is nice- that I dont face reality. The truth is i dont want to. It makes me despise the world when I see how ugly people really are. Thats why i live in my own little bubble. Because i cannot cope with it. I trust and see the good everyone because that is the only way i have hope. Because i want to be able to bring light to someone else, knowing that someone really does believe in them.
Honestly, when my bubble was burst again today, i wanted to die. I cannot live in such a nasty world. It is so bleak, so depressing, so negative. I know that I should open my eyes. But I'm afraid to...and i think most of all, I'm afraid that if i do, i will become as ugly as they are.
im lost..i do not know what to do...am i really strong enough to say u may go and continue to stay by his side and be there? i dont know...i dont know if il be able to handle the pain of never being able to cuddle up to him...or to put my arm ard him to comfort him..or to drop by just to cheer him up abit..i wont be able to massage him anm...i dont know....
lord give me strength pls..give me wisdom to know what to do..help me trust u always and in all circumstance...
it scares me how possessive she is as well...i dont know what is going on btwn them...it upsets me that he hides me too...im scared...shes a bitch and her words are hurtful..i dont want to jump to conclusions but things dont seem right...im so scared...but i will trust...
with all this insecurity and uncertainty lord i know that there is nothing in my power to do anything except pray and trust. and i will know that when this rltnshp heals, it will solely be your doing. no one elses. not mine. not his but yours alone. you my almighty lord. you who made the heavens and earth. this is nothing to you. i am thankful for the trials you put me thru for i know its not for nothing. it tells me that if i am able to pull thru this, i will grow closer to you and become more like the woman you envisioned me to be.destined to do your work..but lord..i wont deny that it is hard..living in so much uncertainty. you know me inside out lord. you know how much i need to know whats happening..whats going to happen and this is your way of teaching me that i dont need to know everything for you know and is enough. all i need to do is trust you. so lord help me trust you. probably my greatest lesson. i am scared but lord i will have faith and i will give thanks in all circumstances. father lord be with us pls...heal this rltnshp..heal his heart and make us whole again... lord as much as i know you want us to trust you to give us the best..you also gave me the choice to choose who to love and i know this is not too hard for you to make him the one for me..i just to learn to be patient while u mold him..im scared to get my heart broken..scared that i wont be able to find someone who will make me happy and love me...lord i need someone to love me right now for he cant do it...thank u for the friends you have put in my life who are there for me and provide comfort..you have blessed me..thank u for my mum..i love her so...
lord i pray for yuen..i miss her...it hurts mummy to no end...let her come home soon please....
help me trust you...for in you all things are possible...
lord im happy for nick. hes found someone..im really happy but im so afraid that im gna lose him as a friend..i can no longer ask him to be there when i cry in the middle of the night..he was my best rltnshp.so afraid of losing him for good...i pray that she'll make him happy because deserves only the best. he was a wonderful boyfriend and an even better friend..i still love him..u know that..make him happy ok? dont let me lose him as my best friend..
its hard to put someone elses needs first when your needs need to be met..its not that i dont want to..i do..i really do..but it doesnt make it any easier.. its hard having him so far..to be so far as well when hes hurting but wants to be alone... how do u give someone space when all you want to do is take him in your arms and comfort him? when you want to ease his pain but he wont let you do it? its hard..very very hard..but thats what need to be done...to let him rest on his own..i miss him..badly..even tho its only been 8 hours since i last saw him and hugged him..2 hours since i heard his voice... i dont feel sad for myself? i feel sad because i cant be there with him thru his burdens...a little bit of me is afraid il lose him because he has too much on his plate to deal with everything..and yet at the same time i know that God gave this back to me and He will heal this and make it whole again..
baby i miss you...come back soon please...i wish i could touch you and take your pain and burdens upon me...to relieve you of these weights that squash the life out of you. i wish i could be all you wanted and everything you never imagined... i wish i could give you rest and peace...but i know i cant..that is not my miracle to do but His...i pray you'll find your way back to the One who truly cares and can solve your problems you..i pray He'll touch you and take away your pains and burdens,..that He will carry your cross for you...
father..just as i have come to you many times asking for something..here i am again..i ask that you will give me patience to endure this distance from him..trust to know that you will heal things...love to take all the stresses that come with this period of trial and testing.. strength to carry him and walk beside him even when my heart seems to tired to go on. father be with me. be with him.. let him know you are God and that you love him and that you can do miracles for his life..his family his work..he is so stressed father. it hurts to see him so tired and so burdened by everything around him..i feel his stress...i see it in his face..in his eyes..hear it in his voice..i feel it when he is near..and i know he feels mine too...father you made us meet for a reason..part of me..maybe in a very ego way...i think i am best for him because i am able to understand..you made us this father but its also a struggle for us..can 2 empaths really work out? we drain each other when we are both low..feeding off each others negative energy..a snowballing effect..one of us has to be strong when the other isnt..and father right now i am the one who has to be strong. so give me the strength father. the positivity..the love..your love so that it may radiate from me and bring hope to those around me. father i ask that you give him rest father..calm his mind and soul..guide him to make the right decisions abt work..abt family...abt us..heal things in the family father. heal his health. you know how much it worries me..to know he is suffering and that he may die before his time..give him strength to be there for his mum..for his sister...give him strength to go to work each day and enjoy what he is doing again for lord the amount you talent you blessed him should not be put to waste. he is amazing at what he does...o father i love him..i dont know why i love him so much..but i do...he is amazing..he calms me..seeing him puts a smile on my face.. i see courage in him..i respect and admire him..lord you blessed me when you gave him to me..thank you so much..thank you for being with us thru these few mths..i ask that u will continue to bless this rltnshp..dont take it away pls? you gave me someone very special...thank you... be with us tonight and always...thank you for your great love..you are almighty..everlasting..you are love..thank you
Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything
When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real
Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real
Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
i still love him..very very much..but i wasnt happy and he wasnt either..i know its gna hurt when he comes with someone new to actors but its a pain i have to bear..its sad still tho..i love him alot..
but lord..i will have faith in you..for u'll never bring me to a place where ur grace isnt sufficient for me..il have faith in you..that even tho this hurts..ul give me strength to carry on..thank u for loving me so much..
on a brighter note..i love my job. im really happy here. i can smile at pple randomly and nothave them think im nuts. i can do things for strangers and have them smile at me in appreciation and maybe even talk. it feels good to know that u have made someones day that little bit brighter.
the other day, one of my pax had a problemw tih his visa and he had to wait a really long time at the check in counter. i talked to him and smiled until my cheeks cramped. but when he left i felt good. when i said thank you for being so patient he said it was his pleasure having to wait with me. i felt really good. another pax who i had to walk into the TPR made my day too..when i handed him over to the senior PRO to bring him in, he said, aww arent you coming in with me?and he wanted me to stay with him and talk to him but i had to go back to entrance. it felt good that i was able to make someone smile and want my company..even small things like when my pax came into SKL and said she had a 9 hr transit and if there was anywhere to sleep. i told her there wasnt but there were some long couches she cld rest at. when i asked if she would like a pillow and blanket, the smile of appreciation really warmed my heart
today someone asked me why im in this line even tho im a grad. i said i wanted to do frontline service. then he asked, so you like meeting pples expectations? immediately w/o thinking i replied, i like exceeding them. and its true. i do. i like being able to willing go over and beyond what is expected of me and have my pax appreciate it..
i love what i do..i still want to fly..but i guess if im happy here, that happiness will be enough to satisfy my desire to travel
work has become a haven for me. to get away from it all. to do what i really enjoy. even tho i meet bad pax, have to work with bitches and sometimes i get bored when i have nothing to do..i love it. im happy to go to work despite the long hours. its wonderful. i love my job..
=]
And though I haven't lost my faith, I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart.
I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing. I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true. I will sing.
Lord is hard for me to see all the thought and plan You have for me.
But I will put my trust in You. Lord will meet Your guide to set me free.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart.
I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing. I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true. I will sing.
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore
- Music:none but jesus-hillsong
More than it seems- Kutless
Is my imagination running away
Or is all this really happening to me
Am I a prince in a far away land filled with fantasy
Where is reality and what are the actions that will define who I am?
I am holding onto the visions I've seen of what I could be
It's what I should be
Chorus
More than it seems these dreams inside (show me the way to these dreams)
Blur reality's line ('til there's nothing that's left of me)
If I could believe the dreams aside (show me the way to these dreams)
I am capable more than it seems
Passing through darkness into my own world
Will I be more than when I left (than when I left)
Never letting go of the lessens I learned
This will make a change
A change within me
Chorus
More than it seems these dreams inside (show me the way to these dreams)
Blur reality's line ('til there's nothing that's left of me)
If I could believe the dreams aside (show me the way to these dreams)
I am capable more than it seems
This time I won't run away
I found the strength to face life's long days
This time I won't run away
Chorus
More than it seems these dreams inside (show me the way to these dreams)
Blur reality's line ('til there's nothing that's left of me)
If I could believe the dreams aside (show me the way to these dreams)
I am capable more than it seems
'Til there's nothing left of me
Show me the way to these dreams
- Music:more than it seems- kutless
When I wander through the desert
And I'm longing for my home
All my dreams have gone astray
When I'm stranded in the valley
And I'm tired and all alone
It seems like I've lost my way
I go running to Your moutain
Where your mercy sets me free
[chorus]
You are my strong tower
Shelter over me
Beautiful and mighty
Everlasting King
You are my strong tower
Fortress when I'm weak
Your name is true and holy
And Your face is all I seek
In the middle of my darkness
In the midst of all my fear
You're my refuge and my hope
When the storm of life is raging
And the thunder's all I hear
You speak softly to my soul
haha so I wake up at the same time no matter where I am anyway. Can say its jetlag coz hongkong has the same time zone=P
anyway as I speak I am stealing wireless. To the Ms Anita Kwan who is providing it. Thank you. May you have a great time in HongKong and God bless you=)
ohh!I need to talk about my flight. I flew cathay. I want to kill zuji I swear. They are FUCKING ANNOYING!!never book from them. So so anyway…the service on cathay is wonderful la. The stewardesses are attentive and really quick and their smiles are genuine. Except for one who looked damn sian of flying=P but being attended by the cathay CCs were so nice la=) I want to be able to be like that when I fly!!hahah
ok so the interesting thing about my flight..we had a rough landing..and some of the lights fell from the ceiling la!!!il upload the photo to facebook later. Funny sia…the reason why u want to sit a good plane…o yeah and the food wasn’t that great…inflight entertainment so so..but the CC service really did make up for all of it la..
the stars were beautiful. I had a blanket over my head and my nose pressed against the glass for the last 45mins of the flight=P but seriously..they were gorgeous. I wanted to cry. And I saw a shooting star!!!=) I swear if this only makes me want to fly even more so that I can fly to Maldives and at night watch the stars away from pollution. I loved it=) thank you for the stars!!=)
so anyway..i have this amazing talent…all I have to do is speak passionately about SQ stewardesses and they appear!!i'm not kidding!!it happened twice in SG! Then when mum n I were on our way back from our mini 12am walk, I was talking about the hotels they stay in and LO AND BEHOLD! The Singapore girls! Right at my hotel!!!wahahahah..funny=) God better not just be taunting me ok=P
so anyway we are headed out shopping later. Whee!!=)
p.s…missing the boy
=D
- Mood:
chipper
